Yesterday was my mother’s birthday…and only two people called her. You know how invisible that makes a person feel? I do. Because my family forgot my birthday, too. Not this year, but in the past. They only remembered the day after….and then my sister blamed me for it. Trauma aside, I can relate. There is not a day that goes by that I do not feel invisible.
To be honest, I started this blog because I feel invisible. I’ll tell you what that does to a person.
It makes them overeat, for one. I am now starting a battle to lose weight because I have diabetes. Not to look good according to the Beauty Police – because I’ll never look good enough for them anyway – but because my health is starting to fail. I did not have the motivation to consider my looks, because I never thought I had good looks.
Also, invisibility makes a person do stupid things for attention. In my life, I spent my twenties between the sheets for comfort, with my neck under the foot of my siblings. I am pounding this out in tears even now due to the pain and suffering I experienced. Two of them don’t speak to my mother at all. They hate my mother. At least I can take comfort for my mother’s sake in knowing that my mother has two enemies in the family. Ever heard of negative attention? It is a thing. Negative attention is the entire driving force behind the Jackass franchise. It also drives Youtube and Tiktok, to a certain extent. I haven’t posted anything on Tiktok lately, though. Maybe I should?
Invisibility also drives protests. You want us to stop saying “Black Lives Matter?” Well, MAKE IT TRUE. Yes, I screamed that. Because all the black people the cops used for target practice felt invisible in their deaths. Why do you think people filmed George Floyd? To make him visible, of course.
Sure, all the celebrities and moguls have money and fame on our side, but what do invisible people like us have? Just a stupid blog and some social media accounts. Let’s be honest. The invisible woman stands and stares at me from the other side of the mirror. I sometimes wonder if I have no reflection because of the way people ignore me.
Maybe I’ll be visible someday in the future…but I doubt it. I’m losing hope. Somebody, see me. Somebody, see my mother.