Ugly Betty, Part 2

I have mused upon my beauty insecurities before, but I did not do enough. I did not exactly say what my insecurities were. Ill be blunt: I’m fat. I’m 4’11” and weigh 250 lbs.. That is enough weight to get people to say “you’ve got a pretty face” (meaning: “your body doesn’t match. Lose weight!”). There is a lot to be hateful to myself for – I don’t exercise enough, I got the wrong size, there is society looking toward me saying “Lose weight! You’re ugly!” (Well, not directly saying it-saying it through magazines, ads, games, the fact that all the girls on television are skinny except the clown who is the size of a Dodge Caravan….) How do you beat all that? Sometimes, the only way is to look within.

I have not had a boyfriend, or heck, even a date, in over a year at this point. I don’t think I can get that validation for being a person who exists from men. I certainly can’t get it from the television or print, or the internet, for that matter. Who is going to make the Ugly Betty’s  of the world know their worth? Do they have any worth? I grew up believing and knowing in my heart that every life has a precious worth to my God…even those who don’t do his word perfectly (which amounts to, oh… everybody). The fact is, I exist. I have something to contribute to the world, simply because I exist. The fact that I take care of my mother when none of her other children do cements my place in the family. I can also give credence to my worth simply because I help out whenever I can around the house. I do most of the cooking and cleaning (because she can’t), and many other things. But besides toot my own horn, I know that everyone has their own intrinsic value. And that is the truth about having worth. That makes me more than an Ugly Betty.

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