Be Neurotypical or Die!

TRIGGER WARNING: MMS

I came across a “solution” for autism: Miracle Mineral Solution, or MMS. I won’t give you the gory details, but the mere gist: pumping what is now known as industrial-strength bleach up a rectum or down the throat as “treatment” for autism. I have never heard of such quackery in my life. This brings me to a different question, besides the obvious ones: What is the message you are sending to your children? Be neurotypical or die? Chances are, the children who have autism but are acting neurotypical are doing so in order to be accepted by their parents or peers, especially in cases of these bleach enemas. They are getting the message loud and clear: We do not want you to be yourself. Far be it from me to give parents advice, but if you are clearly torturing your child with bleach enemas, they might have grounds to rebel and emancipate themselves just to get away from you as they get older. I am of course taking I to the extreme, but harmful treatments which clearly amount to torture are giving your child the message that he is not accepted. It reminds me of my father, but not in a good way. My father never accepted my autism, right up until he died. (I do not know if he accepts it now, in death, but I hope so.) I never felt truly loved and accepted because of this. Even now, it is hard for me to feel the true love and acceptance  from my mother for these reasons. There is so much pain I feel for these children undergoing these MMS treatments, chelation and going unvaccinated due to this that I wonder if any parent truly, unconditionally loves their child? These are sad and terrible things to say, but I will have a meltdown if I do not get these hurt feelings out. The message is loud and clear: DO NOT BE AUTISTIC. BE NEUROTYPICAL OR DIE!

Kelli Stapleton, Part 2 – #JusticeForIssy

Now, I watched those Dr. Phil episodes-both of them. My previous posts did not seem to make one thing absolutely clear – that murder is wrong, no matter what Issy Stapleton did to her mother. No, I did not muse upon Issy’s autism because autism was not the issue here. The mental illness of the mother was the issue. You see, autism was just a red herring-a distraction from the real story of a mother’s failure to get treatment for herself. I thought I made that completely clear.

But why was autism such an easy red herring? Why is it so easy to blame autism for murder? My theory is fear. People fear autism so much that they want to get rid of it by any means necessary-even murder. It’s like the entire X-Men comic series-only in real life. Is it just me, or can every autistic remember being asked “Have you tried not being autistic?” by somebody? (“Have you tried not being a mutant?”)

I also noticed in the programs that Kelli Stapleton could not say “I tried to murder my child.” She KNEW what she did was wrong. She kept trying to “spin” it as “going to heaven.” Yeah, but did Issy have a say in this “going to heaven” bit? It was murder. And she could not say it because she would have to admit she did something wrong.

But one thing which Dr. Phil accidentally got right was this: the trigger was something the mother did. She was not “getting it,” to cite Dr. Phil’s own language, as to what was causing the meltdowns. Issy seems to be doing very well, indeed, without her mother. My instinct and guessing seemed that Mrs. Stapleton was not listening to find her daughter’s meltdown source. I mean, meltdowns always have a trigger. That is a rule of meltdowns. Anyway, I am mostly disgusted by the fact that the hatred and fear-mongering against autistics was nationalized to a television audience, but what do you expect? This is the world that ignored Hitler for a time, and also allowed Ray Rice to keep playing football until his abuse was leaked to the public. We must combat hate with love. That is not a contradiction. That love comes with understanding and with certain inalienable rights, such as the right to live. That is the reason we have the hashtag #JusticeForIssy.

Autism Acceptance and Social Training

One time, my mother was teaching me about proper table manners, and I got frustrated. I had known about my diagnosis for quite some time by then, so I blurted out, “But I’m autistic!” She then came back with this: “Does that mean you get away with bad table manners?” At the time, I knew the answer: of course not. Most people think when it comes to acceptance, we let the kid get away with whatever behavior they want. Nobody should do that. What we do instead, is teach them the ways of communicating to and acting around neurotypical people. Teaching a person a way of communicating, like teaching a language, does not change a person’s basic core. What it does in reality is give the person a map around the jungle we call society.

Society really is a jungle; a jungle that thinks people with autism cannot get around inside it. (Thank you, narrowing and stereotyping media.) When I reveal my autism, society says to me, “You don’t (look/act/sound) autistic!” I simply tell them it was good social training, or that I’m a good actress. They don’t believe I can function quite well in a conversation. I would like to pose them this question: What does autism look/act/sound like anyway? Plus, are they confusing it with another condition?

My point is, my mother never really saw any reason to “fix” me or change me, just teach me how to act in American society. Have you considered societal training and autism acceptance can coexist peacefully, hand in hand? They are not conflicting concepts. A person with autism can and will, with proper training, function quite well in society. That is something people outside of autism families must be taught.

Kelli Stapleton

Almost everybody has had their say in the case of Kelli Stapleton and her daughter, Isabelle “Issy” Stapleton, and Mrs. Stapleton’s attempted murder of herself and her daughter. Everybody has found one point or another to cling to. Some have said autistic murder is wrong. Absolutely true to that; it is plain old murder. Some have clung to the notion that autism is this family-sized Godzilla rampaging through. That the jury is out on. But one perspective, and I find much more evidence for this one, is that a woman suffered from cruel, extreme depression. Kelli Stapleton did not get help for herself. She blamed and scapegoated the hardest child to wok with. That was what led to her attempt.

Don’t mistake me: murder is absolutely wrong. The murder of anybody with any particular trait or set of traits being justified is not the thing to do. What I am digging toward is, what brings a person to the point of doing something so wrong in the first place? My mother puts it this way: “The nuts don’t fall far from the tree.” Children with autism often have parents with some sort of challenge themselves. My own parents had struggles with social awkwardness and sensory distress. Somehow, I ended up with autism and my siblings did not. It was hard to live with it, and still is, but it never warranted a crime.  Of course, my mother and I got help for ourselves.

What I am getting at is, when a person does not take care of themselves mentally, tragedy can strike. In NAMI, we say “Treatment Before Tragedy” as a rallying cry. This is a case for mental illness treatment and reducing stigma for it. Mrs. Stapleton needed help for herself, as well as for her daughter. There is a reason the airplane oxygen masks say put yours on first! Why did it take tragedy to get this help?

So, where does autism fit in all of this? Simply put, autism was and still is a scapegoat. It is a red herring. Autism had very little to do with the mother’s depression. It was extreme stress, that led to depression. Depression led to attempted suicide, scapegoating led to attempted homicide.

All I am trying to say is: get some help if you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Check yourself into a mental health place. You’re not weak if you’re getting help. You’re actually very strong.