Hold Your Comments, Save Your Heart

“The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.”                   -James 3:6

I recently got a sermon on James 3…the famous “tongue” chapter in the Bible.  We got a good smattering of “the tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body.” You can go read it yourself in any Bible. This got me with the usual yes, don’t gossip and keep your tongue in check. But God gave me another insight: Any comments section on the internet is made up of nothing but people’s tongues, wagging and insulting in all their fury. Have you noticed how unnecessarily negative any comments section is? How quickly it turns to something like drugs or destruction? Often in the first three comments, and sometimes even in the first comment, people turn to negative or ugly things. The best example of this would have to be Facebook, because Facebook almost feels like Hatebook sometimes. Maybe I’m just ranting and letting my own tongue loose, but even I have had to delete and regret a few comments myself. Just so you know, it’s not that I don’t want comments and critiques, it’s that I want your comments that disagree with me to be done kindly, and factually. I appreciate comments…just make sure you are doing them kindly. It helps get your message across much more effectively.

I came to this conclusion of writing my thoughts out on comments because I wanted to share my insights with all of you-whoever you are. We have enough tongue wagging and barb-flinging in this world. I have severely limited my time reading comments because of this. I have often not read them altogether-to save my sanity. I mean, what’s the point of putting death threats to somebody online? It only reveals that you have evil in your heart you need to get rid of. We’ll expand on this more later.

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Weird Questions

Ugh…I’ve been in a funk the past few days. There is so much negativity going through my head. Somehow, every month, I get a series of such weird questions. I don’t know where they come from. Here are a few examples:

1) Will I be enough to please my man when I finally get to him?

2) Why is a woman’s worth only in her looks on the arm of a man? In short, why is a woman a purse?

3) Will I even have a man who won’t harm me?

4) Am I even destined for a man? I’m pushing 40 and haven’t found a husband yet.

Where do these thoughts even come from? I thought I was a feminist, strong enough to stand on my own without a man. It was not until recently that I even thought of having children. (Long story short, autistic children get bullied. I have PTSD by bullying. Therefore, in order to avoid kids getting PTSD, I will not have children to pass my autism to. Capiche?) Where are those thoughts coming from? I told my mother I did not want children, and she respects that, so the pressure is not coming from her. The troubling thing is, is it coming from me? That troubles me greatly. I thought I was beyond this. I thought I was beyond wanting to get married and pop out units every nine months. What’s wrong with me? Am I a hypocrite?

Quick Shot: Body Positivity

Body Positivity is:

-Accepting your body is beautiful the way it is

-Accepting you are beautiful the way you are

-Embracing any necessary changes your body needs, knowing that it is still beautiful even if you did not make those changes

-Accepting all bodies, no matter if they are fat or skinny, big or small

Body Positivity is NOT:

-Making fun of others’ bodies

-Rejecting ANY type of body

-Not embracing any changes, especially with other people. If it’s not your body, don’t bother with them.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think my body needs to be thinner in order to be beautiful. I am losing weight due to my family history and potential poor health. I know I will never be Keira Knightley. I also know that I am more Scarlett Johansson. And would a man who was truly interested in women turn either of these women down? There are so many types of bodies out there, all beautiful. Doing something which positively affects your health is body positivity. Telling somebody they need to do something to affect their body is not.

Working with Big Bad Autism

Reading blog article after blog article on how autistic people who were treated with Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) Therapy had Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and I myself, being older, and not subjected to it, turning out passing for neurotypical to most people, I have come to a conclusion: Applied Behavior Analysis and its cruel carrot-holding practices of reward and punishment for neurotypical behavior does not work. So many people have “amputated” themselves from their families for using ABA therapy. I’m sure many people will object to the above statements, but it will mostly be concern trolling…i.e. harrassing a person with an undesirable trait “for their own good.” (You may say it’s for their own good, but it’s mostly for your own fear and hate.) Instead of fighting and trying to minimize autism, why not work with the autism to achieve the results of functioning in this world? It will lead to a much better outcome.

For starters, fighting autism often leaves a person traumatized, disillusioned and hateful toward society. Much of it is usually due to fight stimming, which is a coping mechanism, without replacing the stim with another stress reliever. For example, a child who is hitting their head against the wall might achieve the same result if their destructive stim were replaced with a neutral or helpful stim, such as shaking the head, flapping of the hands or maybe physical activity, if possible. You do not have to be afraid of the behavior if it is not harmful. Later in life, when I stimmed among my sisters, they would yell at me to stop it-but it only led to more stimming, or stimming where I was safe from their yelling. (For those who do not know, my sisters did not have my best interests at heart. It has taken me a long time, but I now forgive them.) I finally experienced relief from my sisters when they decided to amputate themselves out of my life, and the life of my mother. I could finally be myself again.

Speaking of my treatment at the hands of others, I am an example of working with autism’s parameters making things better. For example, we recently talked about stimming in my childhood. She put it best: “If (I) needed to stim, (I) did it.” My particular stim was to run up and down the hall or stairs at my childhood home. Apparently, I also paced and hummed, according to my sisters. Anyway, what happened was that I had these strange bursts of energy which needed to come out, because I could not recognize my emotions at the time. I stim much less now because I work out 2-3 times a week, and can recognize my feelings. I could often find a solution to other problems, too. Eye contact problem? Simply see what color the person’s eyes were. (I was curious.) Struggling to find the right word? Describe what you’re trying to say until someone gets it. Something way too loud for you but not for others? Just cover the ears or get earplugs. There is always a solution, when you think outside the box. Why am I bringing myself up as an example of working with autism’s parameters? Because people can barely understand that I have autism, because I do not have typical “autism behaviors” such as stims and meltdowns (unless I’m due to start my period, but usually only my mom is keeping me company).

There are more examples of people whose parameters were worked with who turned out better than those who were fought against. I will bring up the “face” of autism, Temple Grandin, as an example. One of her special interests was animals. Her college major? Animal Husbandry. Her career? Designer of humane meat production equipment, such as comforting feed, storage and slaughter systems. I have also learned from Temple Grandin lessons on how to understand and better treat my Pomeranian (dog).

I learned from her that minor things can worry an animal, such as a wadded up paper napkin lying on the sidewalk, and go to simply let my dog sniff it and move on. It only takes a second. Also, when an autistic person “comes out” to the world, they often have a supportive, accepting person in their background. For Daryl Hannah, another example, it was her mother. For Dr. Temple Grandin, it was also her mother. (If you think I am only choosing people with mothers, it is because those are the ones I know of. Many successful people can have fathers or others as their support.) I myself have one of those supportive mothers who taught me how to be social. We are generally grateful when they work with u, not against us. Can you see the benefits of working with autism and not fighting it yet? I hope so.

Big Ears, Bigger Mouths

My mother recently told me straight out: “You are not a burden. You are a gift from God.” Now, I don’t know about your beliefs, but in my belief system, that is awesome. Now, in light of what sparked that statement was not awesome: I am realizing how fortunate I am that I am regarded as such. Many autism parents often view their child’s autism as a deadweight, a burden, something to overcome. Now, I’ve had my moments and my struggles, but let’s face it: my mother loves me and accepts me the way I am. That, as I see on those “Warrior Mom” blogs, trying to overcome or cure autism is like trying to overcome or cure brown eyes or dark skin. It makes no sense when you think about it. And with that kind of discrimination, no wonder our murderers get sympathy and respect, like the world is one large Nazi Germany and the autistics are the hated Jews. Yeah, I feel like the world treats me like that. My mother doesn’t, at least. I fear for the autism mothers who treat their children like the Nazis treated the Jews.

I can see the treatment of your children in your “warrior mom” blogs. I see it in your eyes. I see it in the shame in your eyes. I see it in the observation that I seem to be the only autistic woman in all of Jessamine County, Kentucky. I see it in the meltdown videos you post online. I see it in the comments sections where you put down autistic adults like me. I see it in the threats to “send (your children) to heaven” (aka murder them), as Kelli Stapleton said. Now, as I have pointed out above regarding my mother, not all of you do this. However, this is addressed to the ones who do: I picked up on how the world treated me, and how my father, who rejected my autism, treated me. Your autistic children pick up on how you view them. As people often said around me, “Little Pictures have BIG EARS and BIGGER MOUTHS.” Do NOT claim your autistic children as the exception to this rule. My father died in 2006. To this day, I wonder if he really loved me, because he rejected my autism. Now, to show proof of this fact that autism children can hear your hate of them…..here is a letter from an autistic daughter to her mother:

AutismChildLetter

From Messes to Miracles

As a Christian woman, I sometimes watch television shows or movies on TBN. Last night, the selection was “Joseph.” In a flashback, one of Joseph’s brothers slept with one of Jacob’s concubines. (Bilhah, who bore Jacob two sons, by the way. And EW!) After checking to see that is was Biblical history, I continued to watch and learned that another son went to a prostitute who was secretly a widow of two of his sons, and been refused the third. (Semitic culture gave a widow to the dead man’s brother, who would bear two children so as to continue the dead man’s line.) My mother pointed out the obvious: “This family is a mess!” But whose family is not a mess these days? Also, look what a great nation God made out of this family! There is a lesson to me given in this: God can take a mess like me and make it into a miracle. Messes are made into miracles every day. Look at me: a pattern of sleeping with different guys, getting my money taken away, very self-hating…and I am living pretty well nowadays. I have currently stopped sleeping with people-which I don’t need to do anyway-and I can handle money pretty well. I have learned self-worth and, as they put it: “not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.” What mess are you trying to hide from God? He already knows of it. He can make a mess into a miracle, easily.

The Marriage Penalty, AKA Why I Can’t Get Married

NOTE: This is a reaction blog. I have just learned about the issue. 

TRIGGER: Foul language used

I have always wanted to get married, have a kid or two, and maybe lead a quiet, loving life. But, thanks to the marriage penalty of losing money and services, this is not possible.

Let me back up. Marriage penalty is the loss and reduction of services when somebody gets married on disability or social security. My mother experienced this in her last marriage. She lost so much money, probably because people think it’s the husband’s job to “take care” of the wife financially. So, since we are talking about “taking care of” a person, like a child, I find this insulting. So, are you telling me that I have to rely on my husband, who needs a second income in order to keep afloat anyway, to “take care of” me, like I am a child? I can take care of myself, thank you very much. I use these services to keep a normal life. Are you telling me I have to avoid marriage, aka live in sin, in order to keep these services? That is what it sounds like to me. There are many poverty-stricken families living in sin in order to keep themselves going at an income level for assistance. People won’t hire the autistic, and no average man can afford an autistic bride without serious help in the financial sector, so I am shit out of luck, with being single my only option. I do not like it. I do not like this one bit. My mother tells me I cannot get married because of the marriage penalty. Why is this the case in America? The marriage penalty has effectively destroyed the low-income family unit. Why?