What I Want

Everybody wants a healthy child. Everybody wants to fit in. Everybody wants to be accepted. That’s what I keep hearing from the cure purveyors and the people who will not accept their childrens’ autism as a condition they can live with. I also hear a dark side to all these statements:

1) Everybody wants a healthy child: A child must be typical to be healthy.

2) Everybody wants to fit in: If I or my child is not perfectly in sync with society, I will not fit in. If my child is not typical enough, I will not fit in.

3) Everybody wants to be accepted: If my child is not accepted, then I will not be accepted.

No offense, but where do you end and where does your child begin? There needs to be a healthy boundary between you two. Most autism parents bemoan their situation in a way that makes the child responsible for their happiness, You know what most psychologists call that? Codependency.

I have come up with some tenets for what I myself want, because I’m not going to get acceptance unless I fight for it, because those in power are neurotypical, and any deviation from this “neurotypical” neural system is still quickly discouraged and ostracized.

Here’s what I want:

1) I want to fit in the way I am.

2) I want to be accepted the way I am.

3) I want the way I am to be accepted, not feared.

4) I want people to be somewhat relaxed when they hear their children have autism, because it is something with a name.

5) I want people to understand autism is something you can live with, even as a struggle.

6) I want people to know that autism is something you can work with.

7) I want people to know that when something you have has a name, there are people who can help you with it.

8) I want to be listened to. I don’t get that from most “Autism” groups.



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Autistic woman in her 40s, bringing attention to issues that affect her and her kind.

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