On Stimming: My Stimming Story


My stimming story is a little different from other people’s stimming stories. My initial stim was a monotone hum. Unfortunately, that was an unacceptable one. My mother asked what it was for. I said it was to get rid of excess energy. Eventually, my mother would tell me to go run up and down the hall. (We had a long hallway in our house.) I found better ways to stim as a person throughout my life, even when I was not allowed to stim by my sisters. (I was also not allowed to enjoy my own money or mental safety.) Of course, once I got away from my sisters, I was “allowed” to stim again. Strangely enough, I did not stim too much.

There are many times and ways I stim, but one thing they have in common: they are to get rid of excess emotional energy. That means, stimming can come at any time, for any reason. It’s a comfort that many neurotypicals do not understand or apparently need, so they always want us to not do it. They don’t want any indication that we are autistic. I say, screw them.

White Genocide: Fear or Guilty Conscience?

I have stared into the abyss of racism. And it was not pretty. I made the mistake of web searching white genocidethis morning, and boy, was it ugly. Fear and racism everywhere. But my question is why? Why are we so afraid of persons of color? Is it a numbers game, or a guilty conscience?

 Lets be honest here, a guilty conscience is the reason most white genocide fears keep going. Lets start with the obvious: Genocide? Strangely enough, there are instances of genocide in white history. Another fear: Enslavement? Yes, there is racial enslavement in white history. We fought a Civil War to end it. Taking our jobs and resources? Hell, that sounds like karma. Weve been taking the best of all the world for years! The Koh-I-Noor Diamond, from what is now Iran? On top of the British Queen Mothers crown. Now, Im not condemning the British Monarchy by any means. What I am saying is that since white people have thought themselves superior, they have run roughshod over all the other races, leaving them to think that if the other races gain control, they will run roughshod over them. Its all in guilt and shame.

I know just about nobody will change their mind by just what I say or write. I’ve even been called a race traitor. But if being a race traitor is what it takes to clear a guilty conscience, then why not?

Speaking Out and Blame

You may be wondering why I haven’t spoken out against separating children from their parents at the border. Well, I’ve been in a fight with someone very important about it. Make no mistake, I believe that separating the children from their parents, who usually have little to no choice in the matters of their parents, was a horrible idea.

However, I am square in the middle of Trump Country, where many people here tend to act as though Donald Trump died on the cross for you, and God raised Donald Trump from the dead. (No on both counts; that was Jesus.) I had to engage many people gently, even some very close to me. I had to simply had to agree to disagree.

Now, I know that they were illegal immigrants, which complicates matters. What I do not know is whether it will soon be illegal at all for people of color to immigrate now that Trump is president. I firmly believe Trump is telling his supporters that “illegal immigrants” and other persons of color are to blame for their lot in life, which is not entirely true.

Autistic Head Canons: Do Autistic People Need a Superhero? Or Do We Have One Already?

Now, heres the thing: a superhero can galvanize and empower a still woefully untapped sector of American society, at least by Hollywood. (Black Panther, for example.) That is the same with autistic people, especially concerning the superhero genre.

 Or is it?

 I think we have an autistic superhero – or three. Stay with me and Ill explain.


 The first case for an autistic superhero is Drax the Destroyer from Guardians of the Galaxy. This stems from a story that a young boy with autism identified with Drax when it was revealed he does not understand metaphors. (Look up Nothing goes over my headfor a reference.) Now, since Drax is of an alien race, a diagnosis of autism may not apply as well. Maybe this trouble with metaphors is typical of Draxs species. After all, in the Cinematic Universe he is from a race called primitive.(Or so the other species think.) Anyway, some autistic people identify with him, so he counts.


The second case is Groot, also from Guardians of the Galaxy. He is often identified with nonverbal autistic people, due to his lack of verbiage. (Everything is I am Groot.) Anyway, since he is not canonically diagnosed as autistic, his case spreads a little thin, I must admit, yet his nonverbal tendencies helps some autistic people identify with him.


 The third, and only canonical, case for examination, is Billy Cranston, portrayed by RJ Cyler in the movie Power Rangers of 2017. Let me make it clear that it is not the TV Billy portrayed by David Yost. It is strictly given to the movie version. Now, this is an excellent, canonical representation of autism in the superhero genre. The first reason is obvious: Billys autism is canonical. The second reason? It is one of the few portrayals of autism by an African-American. Normally, the autistic person is portrayed by somebody white, and more often male. Trouble is, autism does not know or care what race or gender you are. Ive met many different types of autistic people. Finally, the autism Billy has seems to be accurate to a certain extent, but not representative of ALLautistic people. Nor does it have to be.

 Im glad that autistic people can find themselves a superhero. Its a great vehicle of empowerment.

Autistic Pride Day 2018

Well, it’s Autistic Pride Day. It’s also the first Autistic Pride Day I finally learned that being autistic is okay.
The thing is, I was forty before I learned it was okay to be autistic.
I was forty before it was okay to not be good around delicate glass.
I was forty before it was okay to need some quiet space.
I was forty before it was okay to dislike certain food textures.
I was forty before it was okay to be weird.
I was forty before it was okay to be fat.

Now that being forty is almost over, I have finally learned it is okay to be myself.

I have decided to bring back the Infinity Rose. (see the picture? If not, it’s a rose with a rainbow infinity symbol in its center.)

I don’t want anyone else to be forty before it’s okay to be themselves.

Quickshots – June 15, 2018

Don’t worry – I’ve been working on a few things.

  1. Sarah Jessica Parker admitted “Sex and the City” would be more diverse if made today – I have a few ideas surrounding the casting. Let the arguments begin!
  2. After much “Big Bang Theory” viewing, I have concluded that Sheldon Cooper might just very well be autistic – but as long as the showrunners don’t name autism, they can get away with cruelly mocking autism (am I right, Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady?).
  3. Sometimes, your desire to stay well informed will clash with your need to stay sane.

We Need to Bust Some Mental Health Myths

Of course, you all know by now that accessories designer Kate Spade died by suicide. I’m not going to get into the details, but you can Google them any time you like. Somebody even leaked the VERY PRIVATE note she left for her daughter at the site. (Not cool.) Anyway, we need to talk about it. There has been a huge spike in suicides since, too.

I have decided to see what myths I could bust concerning suicide, and in extension, mental health.

Let me start with this one: One of the things most people get wrong about depression and suicide is that every case of depression has a rational origin. That is not always true. Sure, some of them have rational beginnings, but this is not always the case. No amount of money, success or fame is going to save you from something inside your head. It’s in your country already!

It is also a myth held by most people that mental health problems don’t affect them. I wonder – do you ever really know the people who know? Do you know what they face, how much energy they expend to just get ready for the day? Conservative estimates state that one in five people suffer from a mental illness. Those are Conservative estimates. Midline estimates state one in four, by the way.
Kate Spade just subverted the myth that people with mental health needs, even those who are managing their mental illness, cannot tolerate the stress of holding down a job. She designed some of the best handbags ever for a living. I myself held down a high-stress job at In-N-Out Burger for six years, with periodical raises. I could utilize my strengths to fit the job perfectly. Anyway, I don’t have to argue with you on how well I can hold down a job. Especially with the help of medication one can take in the morning and go on with the rest of your day, many people with mental illness hold down perfectly good jobs, in all industries.

Here’s another myth we can kick down: Personality weakness or character flaws cause mental health problems. People with mental health problems can snap out of it if they try hard enough. In what universe? Look, if some gruff person in a fur or leather jacket could actually snap a person out of mental illness, I know of people who could make millions doing exactly that! But trying to make a person “Man Up, You Big Girl!!!!!” never works, and leads anyone down the road further to suicide. Aren’t we trying to prevent that?
I would like to also bust this myth. “There is no hope for people with mental health problems. Once a friend or family member develops mental health problems, he or she will never recover.” Sure, the problem may never go away, as it is not a cold, but we can live with it using the proper treatments and parameters. A little sidetrack: Did you know that in the 1848 novel Moby Dick, whales are scientifically classified as fish? The point is, both the medical and scientific communities can be wrong and need to correct themselves at times. It has happened before. Why not let it happen again?

Finally, and this is the big one: “Once a person wants to kill themselves, they are destined to do it.” Not true! I’ll tell you a story of a man who jumped over the side of the Golden Gate Bridge. He is one of the few to survive, by the way. Once he left the safety of the bridge, he regretted doing it. On the way down, he prayed to survive. He did – barely – but the regret stayed with him. He has never tried it again. Now, it doesn’t always take an extreme case of attempt to bring about the will to live. It may sometimes, but sometimes, just telling somebody is enough to deter it. In my case, that is what happened to me. I told somebody who told my mother, who got me help. It was in this instance I learned I had depression. It did not take a long time for me to learn how easy it is to manage, when you do what is necessary, even to the point of stigma.

Anyway, these are a few of the myths out there.