How Warrior Moms Baffle Me

I’ve noticed that “Warrior Moms” can be fairly common among the so-called “Autism Community” which only focuses on the parents, and very little (if any) on the kids. Perhaps I never really experienced a lot of “woe is me” from my mother, because my mother never really made it about herself. (I know two siblings who would disagree, but that’s for another time.) I talked to her about my previous post. She replied, “I had three other kids, all with their problems.”  

My conclusion is this: Sure, my mother was a warrior, and obviously a mom, but not a Warrior Mom in the self-aggrandizing, martyr of a Warrior Mom. Perhaps this is why they baffle me. I mean, unless the mother is autistic herself, I don’t see how autism really affects her any more than it does her kids.  

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Gird Your Loins

Well well well, here comes another Autism Awareness Month. Gird your loins, fellow autistics. Those so-called “autism moms” and “warrior moms” will begin to compare autism to cancer (in that it causes suffering to them, as if the mother is the autistic one) and the autistic child to a demon.  

Just to be sure, I AM NOT COMPARING AUTISM TO CANCER. CANCER IS A DISEASE; AUTISM IS SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY – A PROCESSING CONDITION. I am also NOT COMPARING THE AUTISTIC CHILD TO A DEMON. THE PARENTS ARE DOING THAT.  

As you can plainly see, this type of awareness is harmful. If I were to have an autistic child, I would simply try to ease their suffering, while girding their loins for the battle-scarred future that awaits them, thanks to Awareness and Warrior Moms.  

For those who are curious, my mother was never a Warrior Mom – or should I say Martyr Mom? – Sure, she was a warrior and a mom, but not a Warrior Mom in the self-righteous sense.  You know, you are not paranoid if they really are out to get you.

An Apology

I would like to apologize for sending what is the wrong message, and to reveal that it may have come from a wrong place. Unfortunately, my life experience was not what it seemed. All the learning that I got did not actually come together until I was in my thirties. Sure, my mother and father taught me how to run a household, but I really did not understand until then.  

One of the points that I did not intend to make is that people should be pushed beyond their abilities, without help and support. Not true, at least by me. I am saying now that help and support is perfectly well and good.  

Another point that I seemed to make is that a person is “broken” in accessing help and support. Again, not true. Accessing services and self-advocating are part of the autistic person’s landscape. I meant to say that teaching a person how to access services themselves, if they are able, will help alleviate fears that one may have about them when they are gone. I was trying to get the parents to stop fearing about their child’s future, which is common among parents of the autistic.

“Mom, Can You Schedule a Colonoscopy for Me?” Snowplow Parenting and the Autistic

Now, let me give you some background: A person who needs a colonoscopy scheduled is usually around 50 years old. By that time, it’s a good bet their parent needs care themselves, if not already dead. That is often the problem with autistic people: their parents worry a lot about who will care for their child when they die. I’ve got a radical idea: why not prepare the autistic child to be capable of caring for themselves?  

Now, I know what you are saying: there are autistic people who still need 24-hour care. Perhaps you could teach and schedule somebody to trust with your child in that case…but I’m not talking about that case. I’m talking about an autistic person who can be taught to care for themselves. If you teach them to access community supports out there, and be their own advocate in a hateful and prejudiced world, you might not have to be the usual Snowplow Parent.  

I referenced Snowplow Parenting earlier, because it is common in parents of autistic children. Snowplow parenting is the parenting style that does everything for the child, moving all obstacles to success out of the way, like a snowplow. The trouble with that is, the child emerges into adult age unable to deal with obstacles themselves, needing the parent to care for them throughout their life, even when the parent needs care themselves. Now, many autistic adults have had to learn to “adult” as adults. That, my friends, is much harder to do than learning how to take care of yourself in childhood. You’ve heard the saying, “It is easier to raise a strong child than repair a broken adult,” right? It’s a saying for a reason.  

Captain Marvel: Chicken Soup for my 90s Feminist Soul

Now, I know autism and/or vaccine news has been bleak lately, with anti-vaxxers and disease outbreaks, plus Autism Awareness Month coming up… I felt so much like a monster, I needed to get away from it for a while. So, I went to the movies.  

For those who do not know, I am 41 (until July 17). This puts me squarely in Generation X. So, any movies with music from the 90s has got to have good grunge in it. And boy, did Captain Marvel deliver. Good, female-led 90s music was aplenty. From Garbage’s “Only Happy When It Rains” to “Just a Girl” by No Doubt, we rock it alongside Nirvana.  

That, however, is not the only reason I will cheer for Miss Fire Hands. She’s ridiculously powerful, and alter herself to fit the facts. (That’s all I will say; no one likes a spoiler.) Plus, she is the adoptive mother to Goose. (Did you think I’d leave Goose out of it? You don’t know me very well.)  

Goose is revealed to be a Flerken, a highly dangerous creature that resembles an orange tabby housecat. I won’t get too much into what a Flerken is; it’s hard to explain. (SPOILER ALERT: tentacles are involved.) Sure, she’s cute, but she’s also powerful. I think it’s funny that Goose is played by orange tabby cats most of the time; most orange tabbies are male. Also, for some more information about Flerkens, look up Chewie in the Marvel Wikipedia, as well; that is the character’s original name.  

I’ve also noticed there were a lot of haters for Captain Marvel; I suspect they adhere to toxic masculinity. That’s all I will say about that. In a world where Wonder Woman only got a movie two years ago, and Black Panther got his last year, that is to be expected. I’ll just throw their hate into a specialized cylindrical file called a trash can. 

In a world where autistics and women are told they are monsters, it is refreshing to see that hope and help can come from the most unexpected places.  

Quickshot – The Monster

Alright. I’ll level with you. The reason I am so pro-vaccine is the apparent hatred of autism from those anti-vaxxer parents. It feels like they would rather have a dead child than an autistic one. I am the worst-case scenario for them. I am the root of all their fear. I am a monster.  

Anti-vaxxers make me feel like a monster.  

Does that make any sense to you guys?