On Jillian Michaels

You think I would not have anything to say about Jillian Michaels? After she slammed Lizzo’s size? You don’t know me.

Dear Jillian Michaels:

Am I less of a person because of my weight?

Because that’s what I hear you say about Lizzo.

You think Lizzo is worth hating because of her size.

As well as me, I assume.

Sincerely,

Cambria Jenkins.

Isolation in Family

Well, what can we say about the year 2020 in the first nine days? We’ve had impeachment stalling, a potential war with Iran, and all of this experienced in isolation from the family.  

About the family isolation: They did not even invite us this year. We would have gone this year to the family Christmas get together, too.  

No one but my brother and one aunt even called on Christmas Day.  

But I’m not entirely innocent, either, I must confess. I forgot to call my aunt in Seattle.  

You see, I was so busy waiting for love from my blood relatives in Kentucky, that I forgot about my aunt in Seattle, the one who truly loves me. I am truly sorry.  

Why do I torture myself wanting love from these people in Kentucky, when they never give love to me? When was the last time they called? 

They have never called.  

I am holding back tears (not very well, I must add) writing this. Hopefully, my mother does not notice.  

No, My Autism is NOT a Superpower or a Tragedy, It’s Neutral

Controversial, no? That I can see my condition as neutral? I guess I’m really different from other people. Let me explore the ways both values can be right and wrong, and show you how I reject both of them.  

Autism as a Superpower: This is not a viewpoint shared among many autistic people, though many non-autistic people think we do. Why people think we hold this is a mystery to us. Are we that arrogant to you? We certainly are not to ourselves. There are many things many of us cannot do without support, such as go grocery shopping. Perhaps the reason they think we hold this so-called belief is – maybe those dumb T-shirts saying “Autism is my Superpower.” I do not know of an autistic adult that actually owns a T-shirt with that message. The difficulties given to us by autism make us humble. Basically, it is arrogant to think that you are better than another person, simply because you are different from them. This pattern of thinking goes down a slippery slope to prejudice and scapegoating.  

Autism as a Tragedy: This is the other extreme viewpoint we try to ignore. This is ableism in a nutshell. Basically, a disabled person is tragic, and the only way they can make the world a better place is to remove themselves from it. In movies such as “Me Before You,” suicide for the disabled person is seen as good! How disgusting is that? It infuriates me. Just because we operate on a different level is not a reason to advocate for suicide! We are denying autistic people the basic right to live! Another slippery slope appears: If we kill off all the people who are different from us, whoever wins that war would be the last person on earth. I’m not going there. One person can only do so much. 

Why do people assign value to neutral events? Is this another symptom of the Power and Control addiction?  

I have decided to reject both viewpoints, because they are gravely erroneous. They both lead to the same conclusion: prejudice, scapegoating, and eventually, death to the autistic. I want to live. I want to be able to access the rights that only White Men!!! can currently: the rights to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. I want my life to matter.  

Blaming Myself for Measles Outbreaks

This is one of the hardest things I have had to admit. I somehow believe that I am to blame for the measles outbreaks we are experiencing today. Somehow, it feels that antivaxxers are using my existence to not vaccinate their kids, and causing all these cases of measles.  

The thing is, there seems to be a pervasive feeling that I am hated for existing, and that my very existence makes parents sick, and therefore they don’t vaccinate their kids, and that makes their kids sick. I can’t help but wonder if I am causing all this pain in the world.

Am I a monster?  

Gird Your Loins

Well well well, here comes another Autism Awareness Month. Gird your loins, fellow autistics. Those so-called “autism moms” and “warrior moms” will begin to compare autism to cancer (in that it causes suffering to them, as if the mother is the autistic one) and the autistic child to a demon.  

Just to be sure, I AM NOT COMPARING AUTISM TO CANCER. CANCER IS A DISEASE; AUTISM IS SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY – A PROCESSING CONDITION. I am also NOT COMPARING THE AUTISTIC CHILD TO A DEMON. THE PARENTS ARE DOING THAT.  

As you can plainly see, this type of awareness is harmful. If I were to have an autistic child, I would simply try to ease their suffering, while girding their loins for the battle-scarred future that awaits them, thanks to Awareness and Warrior Moms.  

For those who are curious, my mother was never a Warrior Mom – or should I say Martyr Mom? – Sure, she was a warrior and a mom, but not a Warrior Mom in the self-righteous sense.  You know, you are not paranoid if they really are out to get you.

In Case You Don’t Get It, I’m Pro Vaccine.

I had the chickenpox in fourth grade. 

I don’t even remember half of it, because I would sleep. I would itch, and pick at sores, and just be generally uncomfortable. I missed two weeks of school. I missed talking with my friends, too. Well, acquaintances. (It was hard for me to make friends.) And now I learn that the shingles virus is inside me? That I could get shingles?  The point is, I would never wish chicken pox on another person.  

When I heard that there was now a chicken poxvaccine, I was actually happy. Now, children do not have to experience itching, sores and fatigue, and shingles risk, to get strong against it.  

And now people want to give that safety up? Because autistic people like me exist? And they think the vaccines did it with no backup whatsoever besides their emotions? What is wrong with them?  

Of course, I did expect a few measles outbreaks would stem the tide. But so much measles! So much sickness! And those antivaxxers are stubborn as mules! 

Vaccinate your kids. You never know who isn’t.  

Why Fight the Label?

Well, a few things came up. The first was this picture. 

Here are a few others you might be familiar with:  

Freak, Nerd and Rape Victim 

Yes, even Rape Victim. Every autistic woman I know has been raped at one time or another, even myself. My own experience is in the gray area, because I only consented to avoid saying I was raped. But on to the point: Your child will get a LABEL anyway. Make sure it’s a label that actually gets help.  

Another was the latest episode of Mom. It’s February 21, 2019. The title character on Mom (Bonnie Plunkett) learned she had ADD. And she’s in her sixties. And she’s fighting being sober from various drugs (and alcohol; I lump it in among the others). She had said her life was harder without the diagnosis. I must say, my life was hard, but living without a label, a diagnosis, is harder. And why do you want that for your child?