A Bit on Ali Stroker

Well, Ali Stroker won a Tony Award for her work in an Oklahoma! Revival. I am glad she won! That girl can sing and act! I am glad you can finally have limitations and have a representative.  

“Representation matters,” is a line Craig Melvin tends to use about the whole thing. He’s right. There is even video proving this online. In the video, a little boy, himself using a wheelchair, said, “That’s me!” He even got to meet her on the Today Show. I am so glad this is happening.  

There are a few small minuses to address. One of them is the line, “She’s an inspiration!” Basically, this says, “She is strong for living with such a tragedy.” You know what it says to me, a disabled woman? It says you underestimate human persistence.  That’s not cool.  Also, there is this nagging question: did she win because of her talent and work, or did she win because she was in a wheelchair? Hopefully, she won because of her talent and work. I would like to think that, especially since this question tends to nag me every single time someone less privileged in this society wins. (Did America Ferrera win her Emmy because she was talented, or because she was Ugly Betty? Did Ashley Graham win the Sports Illustrated cover because she was beautiful, or because it was lip service to body positivity? Did John Legend EGOT because of his work, or because of his race?) See how it works? I hope it’s because of their talents and work, in all cases I mentioned.

Anyway, I am so excited! Ali Stroker won!

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Captain Marvel: Chicken Soup for my 90s Feminist Soul

Now, I know autism and/or vaccine news has been bleak lately, with anti-vaxxers and disease outbreaks, plus Autism Awareness Month coming up… I felt so much like a monster, I needed to get away from it for a while. So, I went to the movies.  

For those who do not know, I am 41 (until July 17). This puts me squarely in Generation X. So, any movies with music from the 90s has got to have good grunge in it. And boy, did Captain Marvel deliver. Good, female-led 90s music was aplenty. From Garbage’s “Only Happy When It Rains” to “Just a Girl” by No Doubt, we rock it alongside Nirvana.  

That, however, is not the only reason I will cheer for Miss Fire Hands. She’s ridiculously powerful, and alter herself to fit the facts. (That’s all I will say; no one likes a spoiler.) Plus, she is the adoptive mother to Goose. (Did you think I’d leave Goose out of it? You don’t know me very well.)  

Goose is revealed to be a Flerken, a highly dangerous creature that resembles an orange tabby housecat. I won’t get too much into what a Flerken is; it’s hard to explain. (SPOILER ALERT: tentacles are involved.) Sure, she’s cute, but she’s also powerful. I think it’s funny that Goose is played by orange tabby cats most of the time; most orange tabbies are male. Also, for some more information about Flerkens, look up Chewie in the Marvel Wikipedia, as well; that is the character’s original name.  

I’ve also noticed there were a lot of haters for Captain Marvel; I suspect they adhere to toxic masculinity. That’s all I will say about that. In a world where Wonder Woman only got a movie two years ago, and Black Panther got his last year, that is to be expected. I’ll just throw their hate into a specialized cylindrical file called a trash can. 

In a world where autistics and women are told they are monsters, it is refreshing to see that hope and help can come from the most unexpected places.  

Selma Blair: More Gracious than Me

I’m noticing something on Twitter concerning Selma Blair and her fabulous Vanity Fair Oscar Party appearance. Many people tend to use certain words describing her and her MS revelation: Courageous. Brave. Tragic. Inspiring. All words which are highlights of ableism.  

She seems to be handling it better than I would.  

Unfortunately, I am often a ball of outrage and anger, especially when it comes to ableism. That’s all I’m saying about me.  

Let’s get back to Ms. Blair, shall we? I heard her say to another (cameras caught this), “It took a lot to get here.” So, she has limited spoons and probably used them all up in those days? Well, I appreciate her efforts, especially when she came out looking like she did. Personally, I think the whole ensemble, including the cane, made her look regal.  

And I would like to applaud her for her interview with Robin Roberts. It is rare that people give an interview when they have trouble speaking. It is a possible effect of the MS. (I learned a little of the symptoms some years ago when Montel WIlliams revealed his own diagnosis.) Her vulnerability showed her strength. It’s hard for me not to describe this in an ableist manner, for that’s what I’ve absorbed from society. What I mean is, when you have a disability, you live with the disability, and it’s a part of you. You will most likely be fine with it, as I have learned among us fellow disabled.  

Most people cannot find an example of living with a disability or condition, of a world that will not adapt to you, but I have. I remember, back in California, a small section of Santa Ana where everything is in Spanish. (Spanish speakers are here. Get over it.) I have had trouble learning Spanish, so spending time there was strange and uncomfortable, but it opened my mind. It made me realize that for many people, middle America is a strange and uncomfortable place. For the autistic, for those with chronic conditions, for those with skeletal dysplasia (dwarfism for the uninitiated), for those who speak a different language, for persons of color…even for women. Maybe even for you, middle America is a strange and uncomfortable place.  

I just wish that people would try and see the whole person, and not just fixate on the cane. It’s kind of like focusing on one little hand or arm when there is a whole person to look at. That is what creates the stigma surrounding disabilities. That is what makes the disabled feel unseen and marginalized.  

So, I’m pretty sure Selma Blair is resting now, as much as a mother can. I think she deserves it. Take care of yourself, Ms. Blair. You’ve done a lot for your causes recently.

Report: A Successful Autistic Thanksgiving


Well, the Thanksgiving was a success. I almost had a meltdown over the anxiety while walking the dog, but that was over once I got the turkey in the oven. 

Of course, there was a period of relaxation while the turkey was roasting. The rest of the dishes were easy to prepare. Anyway, the dinner was a success. We ate, relaxed, ate again, and I broke down the turkey with ease. I hope to be more confident next year.

The schedule was easy. It was just my mother and me, but I would have liked the challenge of adhering to a set time. We just ate when we were done. It was cool. We got calls from people who truly cared about us. It was a lovely day. 

Well, I’m off to eat a third helping of turkey. See you later. 

Autism Thanksgiving Prep Helps, Part 2: Early Prep

Please forgive me…I’ve been trying to process all the happenings in California, which is now Fire Country. I’ve been numb from all the climate change denial, the fake compassion, and inability to learn. (We all know who this is about.) Please, support legitimate causes surrounding California.  

Now that the California Public Servant Announcement is done, let’s get to…. 

Autism Thanksgiving Prep Helps, Part 2: Early Prep 

If you have not been reading lately, just know that this year, as in years before, I am in charge of Thanksgiving cooking – with help in the timing department from Mom, of course. Fortunately, most of the dishes are baked in the last hour, so that makes things a little easier. I only have to cook mashed potatoes, bowtie noodles and gravy on the stove. Everything else is baked/roasted.  

I already have the turkey in the refrigerator, and have had it there for a few days, because we got a large one. Strangely enough, I have encountered a small mass of ice in the cavity every time I have cooked turkey before, no matter how long I have set it out – not up to a week before, though. Anyway, the turkey has always been a success, so there’s really little to worry about there. Just so you know, we do NOT stuff the turkey with stuffing prior to baking; we need room for our aromatics. Besides, we have a bunch of turkey stock and broth formulas on hand for our stuffing and other dishes. Of course, we roll out enough food to feed an army, or feed us for a weekend.  

Much of this stage of prep involves deciding how and in what to serve our dinner. A quick hack for this: Use sticky notes to label the dishes, so you’ll be ready when the food is ready to be served up. And don’t move the notes around! You could lose them.  

Why am I prattling on and on about Thanksgiving food prep? It helps me deal with the holiday, of course. It helps center my mind and body for the upcoming task. Besides, most people think that because of my autism, I would not be able to do Thanksgiving cooking. Well, boo on them. I’ve done Thanksgiving cooking for years. I’m thankful for the ability to do it.  

Anyway, involving the autistic person in the process, and explaining it clearly to them every step of the way, is key to helping them deal with the holiday. Remember, think of things from their point of view: many of these Thanksgiving dinners involve strange foods, strange practices, and even people who are not normally there for a lot of the year. To an autistic person, this amount of upset can be overwhelming. Have empathy. (Funny I need to say “Have empathy” to people who think I can’t have empathy. Ironic? Maybe.) Explain this clearly and physically age-appropriately. They can understand more than you think.  

Also, a pro tip: Pull the turkey into the fridge TODAY, if you haven’t already. Even those small turkeys that weigh maybe four to six pounds some people are fond of need at least two days to thaw.

Getting Jesus; Faith of a Canaanite Woman

I watched “Jesus Christ Superstar” on NBC along with who knows how many people. I suspect there were many, though. Ratings will come out next week. It was a punk-rock-modern retelling, complete with multimedia and reporters among the arresting crowd. I was not offended at all that John Legend was cast. He was excellent. I was actually offended about Alice Cooper’s involvement, until Mr. Cooper’s faith came busting out of the shadows on its own. That put any offense to bed really quick. But one thing that nagged me throughout the show was this question: Did anybody around Jesus really GET Jesus?  

According to the musical, nobody really got Jesus, and they said over and over “He’s just a man.” However, the Bible tells the story of one or woman who actually got Jesus – who He was, what He was all about. Sure, they forgot to depict the Resurrection in the musical. I’m not sure Andrew Lloyd Weber really got Him. As a matter of fact, I have a confession: I don’t even know if I get Jesus half of the time. Fortunately, you don’t have to get Jesus to be loved or saved by Jesus. 

As to the woman who did, they remain unnamed to this day. The first account, in the Bible Book of Matthew (15:21-28), a Canaanite/Syro-Phoenician woman cries for help for her demon-possessed daughter. Jesus says in the account, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and throw it to the dogs.” But the woman counters with, “but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.” Jesus healed her daughter for her great faith.  

I’m not saying I am perfect, far from it. I am saying that faith is rewarded, and there was a woman who really GOT Jesus. I want to be more like the Canaanite Woman.  

How Christmas Went This Year

After a day of rest, I have enough energy to talk about how I dealt with Christmas.

I don’t really have any more tips, other than know your autistic relative.

Christmas Eve was basically spending an evening at my cousin’s place for food, family and fun. The funny thing is, it was almost entirely about vegetable casseroles, almost all of which I like very much. Off topic, it’s funny how I have come to like vegetables as an adult, even after thinking I would never like them as a child. Somehow, trying new things and culinary adventure came to include veggies in adulthood. Sometimes, one just needs to bite the bullet and try it. There’s no shortcuts to that one. We also got games, good family talking and even some quiet times, too. It was great. I was disappointed in one factor, though; I wanted to talk to the parents of an autistic relative of mine. He’s a young boy, but I would like to have a talk with his parents, you know, to provide some perspective. But they were not there. I was not exactly going to grill them or provide lectures, but it helps when you’re not alone in a family, as I have so often felt.

Christmas Day was a little different. We invited a couple who had just gotten together, but the man in the two was a friend, so it was alright. Much of the food was on my shoulders, but it was very easy. We had Prime Rib, steamed vegetables, rice pilaf, rolls and a salad, plus cheesecake for dessert. It’s not easy to screw up Prime Rib. Twenty minutes at a high temperature and then 25 minutes per pound. It was done within three hours, resting included. That was the hardest part of the meal. I mean, rice pilaf is very easy from the boxes, and I’ve done rolls many times for Thanksgiving. So, easy meal, good food, good friends, and an overall nice time. It started to get very cold when the day was done, so we had to get them home early. We had a nice time, with blocks of quiet book ending the day. Could not have asked for more.