It Doesn’t Have to End This Way

I heard in the news today that a Korean pop singer was found dead in her home. Suicide is suspected. I’m going to give the benefit of the doubt, but if it is true, I will be truly sad. It is another one in a long line of celebrity suicides. Clearly, celebrity is not a cure for depression.
Celebrity aside, I wish I could give a message to those who died this way. The message is a simple truth:
It doesn’t have to end this way.
Whether you know it or not, there are people who want you here. Nobody may make it absolutely clear to you, but it is clear to them. Leaving the planet this way is NOT a favor to your friends and family.
But people do not seem to get the message. People are still dying by suicide.
How do we get this message to the invisible sick and dying?
I wonder if we need to reach out to them as much as we beg them to reach out to us? I know personally that reaching out is hard when you suffer with depression. My brain was lying to me that nobody would care whether I reached out or not. It’s easy to believe what comes from your own brain.
Maybe we need to remind people that they are important to us. I currently feel I am not important to anybody but my mother and my dog.
But I fight, simply for this one reason:
It does not have to end in suicide.

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A Word on Beach Bodies

All you have to do to get a Beach Body in three steps:

  1. Get a body.
  2. Put swimwear (that fits!!!) on it.
  3. Put sunscreen on it.
  4. Take this body to the beach. (Pool, lake, etc.)

Allow me to present an example:

A Beach Body

I named this suit the Marilyn, because that’s how sexy it makes me feel.

I recently came to this conclusion after learning that nobody is really looking at and judging your body as hard as they are looking at and judging their own. And if they are, you probably don’t need their company anyway.

Gudetama and Eeyore

I’ve recently gained a new special interest. This little egg with crippling depression is the cutest thing I have seen in a long time. It’s a little yellow yolk who does not want to leave its white, or shell for that matter. (It’s probably too peopley out there.) Now, where have I seen a lovable character with symptoms of depression before? 

“Thanks for noticing me.” 

Oh, yeah. Now I see it! It’s a cute little Eeyore! That wonderful little donkey plush from Winnie the Pooh adventures. He kind of balances out all the craziness, and sees beauty in calm, serene and quiet times. The lovable donkey who has similar traits to little Gudetama! I bet they would be great friends, if they met.  

******* 

The thing about Gudetama and Eeyore is this: they do not need to be a little happy thing to be cute. They’re even cute with their lack of energy. They are accepted as they are. And they are cute as they are.  

A Bit on Ali Stroker

Well, Ali Stroker won a Tony Award for her work in an Oklahoma! Revival. I am glad she won! That girl can sing and act! I am glad you can finally have limitations and have a representative.  

“Representation matters,” is a line Craig Melvin tends to use about the whole thing. He’s right. There is even video proving this online. In the video, a little boy, himself using a wheelchair, said, “That’s me!” He even got to meet her on the Today Show. I am so glad this is happening.  

There are a few small minuses to address. One of them is the line, “She’s an inspiration!” Basically, this says, “She is strong for living with such a tragedy.” You know what it says to me, a disabled woman? It says you underestimate human persistence.  That’s not cool.  Also, there is this nagging question: did she win because of her talent and work, or did she win because she was in a wheelchair? Hopefully, she won because of her talent and work. I would like to think that, especially since this question tends to nag me every single time someone less privileged in this society wins. (Did America Ferrera win her Emmy because she was talented, or because she was Ugly Betty? Did Ashley Graham win the Sports Illustrated cover because she was beautiful, or because it was lip service to body positivity? Did John Legend EGOT because of his work, or because of his race?) See how it works? I hope it’s because of their talents and work, in all cases I mentioned.

Anyway, I am so excited! Ali Stroker won!

Is This Burnout?

I don’t know what’s happening to me lately. I’ve been having writer’s block much more often, and for longer periods of time. I mean, how many times can you write about the same topics – measles outbreaks blamed on your existence, autism hate and discrimination, etc. – over and over? I mean, I wish I could have access to Game of Thrones and complain about the ending episodes like everybody else on the internet, but I can’t afford HBO right now. My cable bill is up to $200 without it already. Besides, do you want me to sound like a neurotypical describing autism and getting it wrong, like they usually do? Anyway, I did watch the series finale of The Big Bang Theory, even with the pseudo-autistic Sheldon. It was alright. Somebody finally explained to the pseudo-autistic what a jerk he has been to them. You can be autistic and still be kind, you know. Maybe I can complain about pop culture a bit, but even that seems like a strain to me.  

Perhaps it is a lack of inspiration? 

Perhaps this is burnout.  

Ugh, I feel like Gudetama right now.  

Kondo-ing before Kondo-ing was Cool

Well, somebody on a TV show is having trouble giving up a bookcase. They had it since they were a kid. That’s what they said. I guess it bugs me that people feel a need to hold on to things beyond their use or purpose. I mean, beyond a true illness (and I count mental illness as true illness), I don’t see the purpose of holding on to stuff beyond their use.  

Sure, nobles and the British Royal Family has tons and tons of stuff to furnish their houses, but usually, that stuff’s purposes have not expired. You can keep furniture around as long as you like it. I’m not trashing people with lots of stuff. I just don’t find it too useful for me.  

A few years back, my mother and I decided to go ahead and sort through our household things. Blankets, clothes, kitchenware, you name it. We threw out things we did not use, and kept enough stuff to keep going afterwards. I guess we are not as attached to our stuff as other people are. To us, it has to fit in our vision of what the house or life is. Basically, it has to bring us joy.  

That’s where Marie Kondo comes in. She is always asking, “Does it bring you joy?” For example, our silverware we use to eat, so yeah, that stuff does bring us joy – joy in health. Maybe I’m rambling, but for me, a thing has to have a place – a use – to stay in my life.  

I’m looking at our stuff and it may be time to go through it again. We need to conserve space in our apartment.  

What to Avoid when Looking for a Place of Worship

Content: Religious Talk, talk of cruelty and miracle cures, suicide, ableism

Now, I know that many of us autistic people are atheist. This is not for them, unless there is a place where atheists gather. I don’t know if there is.  For those of religious affiliation, sadly, the places of worship are filled with pitfalls of “autism awareness” and hatred. Miracle cures, ABA, prayer, the belief of autism meaning brokenness…this is by no means an exhaustive list of things to avoid concerning autism and worship.

If you sense a skew towards Christianity, please consider the fact that I am writing from personal experience. As we approach Easter, I am reminded that we need a ways to go in the church.

  1. Avoid places peddling “miracle cures.” – The church known as Genesis II still peddles that MMS stuff – basically drinking bleach for the unknowing. (Isn’t drinking bleach a form of suicide?) Do I really need to state that facing death is a risk of drinking bleach or shoving it up a child’s rear end?
  2. Avoid places who believe autism is a moral failing. – There is an ancient belief that any known health problems is a punishment from the Almighty. This is often a fallacy promoted by what is known as the Prosperity Gospel. “If you believed, your child would not be autistic.” Well, that is definitely not a tenet of Christianity, which is my belief system. Jesus did state in the Bible that “In this world, you WILL have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” I am focusing on the first statement for now, because I believe it to be true. No amount of belief is going to change the fact that you will have trouble.
  3. Avoid the anti-vaccine place of worship. – This goes without saying. If you can prevent the spread of anything with a shot, go right ahead. It is God’s way.
  4. Avoid the Hypocrite. – In the church, we call them Pharisees. Simply put, they look good in the pew, but there is little evidence of following their faith outside their place of worship. Pharisees were even called “whitewashed tombs,” meaning they look good on the outside, but inside they are full of death. Unfortunately, you may not be able to avoid them in any church.
  5. Avoid the Graceless. – There is a parable in Christianity in which a man was forgiven a large debt, though did not forgive another man a debt against him. In short, the larger forgiveness was canceled. Do I even need to explain the pain of holding a grudge?
  6. Avoid those who will not accept you. – This is what I dislike about the Church of Scientology. In the case of John Travolta is literally took a judge asking him under oath for him to admit his son Jett was autistic. And by then, Jett had died. What kind of church is so cruel that it rejects autism’s existence? You may need to educate on Autism Acceptance to the place of worship, but if they accept the teaching of Autism Acceptance, stay. Do I even need to explain the pain of rejecting people with real problems? The church is a hospital for sinners, not an elite club for saints.

In short, a church that only accepts the perfect and those without problems is empty. If they will not accept you, shake the dust off your feet and go find another one.